More than just solace at Solas

 Having been to Greenbelt for too many years to remember it was with some excitement and wonder that we set off at the end of last week to head north to Scotland. We were heading to Greenbelt's new younger sister festival Solas. We really weren't sure what to expect, Sarah reflected that 'it was a like a wee Greenbelt Festival with less cues, less walking, more midges, more mud and an equally inspiring and chilled atmosphere'. It did feel like we were able to actually engage with more of the festival (even though there was a lot less to engage with)! 

I probably got to more talks than I managed last year at Greenbelt with input from John Bell, Jonny Baker, see change life coaching and a session on the Enneagram to name a few.... There was some interesting performances/workshops and some great music too from the likes of Ricky Ross and the Imagineers. A moving and fun 'integrated' dance performance/workshop by Indepen-dance really got the kids going! Sunday worship was simple yet powerful, lovely to have unaccompanied singing  (well some percussion including a fascinating 'Hang' drum which seemed like a modern take on steel drums!) wheelbarrows full of compost and a reflection by John bell who among other gems suggested that the purpose of creation was to draw us in worship of its creator (which seemed to strike a cord with my blog!)

A session on rediscovering your calling, your path, your possibility used Mary Oliver's poem:

The Summer Day:

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

from New and Selected Poems, 1992
Beacon Press, Boston, MA

Copyright 1992 by Mary Oliver.

see:change coaching for life

The poem and the session leader encouraged us to reflect on where we are with our lives and gave encouragement to reconnect with some of the heart of what we/I felt/feel called to. 

The session on the enneagram was an great reminder of the place of our personality. It helped me to realise how much I have not been healthily working from my 'natural position' but often going to my 'stress position' which obviously isn't good! (If that doesn't make sense It's probably best just to skip on or read some stuff about the Enneagram its interesting stuff!) I do feel so less stressed and pressured at the moment not that surprising given I'm on sabbatical!

Lots of gems or pearls from a short weekend in Scotland (and I haven't mentioned the scenery, the friendliness of the people, the diversion through the lake district... or the toilets?!) 

My hope and prayer is that I can carry the gems and pearls of great price of this time on my onward journey and pilgrimage. There is lots still ahead in these coming couple of months but already I feel my soul lifted and my a fire being rekindled within me and Solas has certainly been a highlight and maybe a new feature on my annual calendar!

A challange not flowers!

Last week a certain someone challenged me to take more pictures of things other than flowers - little did they know that earlier that day I had done just that! Over this weekend I've gathered a few more eclectic image too...So here we are a few:

Just back from Solas Festival

Back from a great Solas Festival it was worth the long trip to Scotland for! Looking forward to Greenbelt Festival even more now... Ricky Ross was a real highlight of the weekend and one of the bonuses of a very small festival was being on the front row (kids choice!) we even managed a detour through The Lake District, Cumbria on the way home - couldn't resist! Really loving the Sabbatical!!! 

 I will share some thoughts and images soon - lots to process but need of sleep first!

'Giving up thinking taking up gazing'

'Giving up thinking taking up gazing' so (according to my wonderful spiritual director/soul friend) goes the words of a wise history professor. Its a powerful statement, I'm certainly doing a lot more gazing as part of my sabbatical but also enjoying the space to think - something that is ironically often hard to do with all the pressures of normal life/work/ministry.

If you see me at the moment you may well see me with camera in hand, something which is enabling me to see things I might otherwise miss - my camera skills are slowly improving and still a long way to go to master the new technology (other than a little bit of cropping my images are still as they come from the camera.)

So a few more from the garden and a walk around Moseley...

1200 mile service retreat - 'oil changed, engine tuned'

I’ve returned back home from Sheldon where I was on their ‘1200 miles service retreat’ - some lovely treats along the way. I really felt cared for and treated – first time I’ve had a Jacuzzi and professional massage on a retreat (in fact first time I’ve had a proper massage!) Some of the simple things of these past days were so powerful, volunteers serving and clearing at meals, nothing seeming too much trouble. Have you ever tried to get a group of Church leaders/clergy not to talk ‘shop talk’ for 4 days... that was interesting in itself.

On the final evening was a very special communion service where we were offered the opportunity to be prayed for with two of the leaders laying on hands upon us. It struck me (and at least one of the others) how much in ministry we pray for others but don’t get the opportunity to be prayed for in such a direct way very often. I’m really grateful for the opportunity and the ministry offered to me these past few days.

Before the service was a time of silent reflection, some words from scripture and reflections were provided for those who wanted to use them: these words I found very helpful:

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.

Suddenly the Lord was speaking.

‘My name is I am’.

He paused,

I waited

He continued,

‘When you live in the past with all its mistakes and regrets it is hard – I am not there.

My name is  not I was.

When you live in the future with its problems and fears it is hard – I am not there.

My name is not I will be.

When you live in this moment, it is not hard – I am here.

My name is I am’

Fun With Words

As part of the retreat here this week have been different workshops today's was entitled 'Fun with Words' where we ended up creating some poetry. Poetry is not something I'm used to reading or (very often) creating, sometimes words can come out in a way that could 'at a push' be called poetic. Today in simple ways we were tasked to create poems the first (below) was a joint effort with 3 of us taking it in turn to write a line, so the poem did not take the form you might have expected of gone in the direction you envisioned - a liberating challenge! These poems aren't meant as examples of great poetry just results of our 'fun with words'.

The Table

The table always sat in the corner.

Once part of a magnificent oak tree

Ancient oak giving itself in practical service

Felled from a far flung forest

Functional and well loved in this family home

the centre-piece for family meals and conversation.

The table sitting purposely in the corner.

We played around with Haiku, a Japanese origin of poetic form which you cane read about more here. It follows a strict form (which we were given a little flexibility with). Apparently traditional Haiku poems are related to nature and the seasons. Here's my attempt!

         Breath in deep the air

         quick expel the CO2

         Shame about the pollution!

My final offering comes from the encouragement to go and take notice of something, making connections as we wish, looking, seeing and being led in our thoughts from that object: (I've accompanied it with an image but I need to say its actually a different gate not the one that sparked these 'thoughts/poem in progress'...)

The Gate

The solid wood crossed and braced

Strong, structure, safe: secure

A path beyond but sign that says ‘beware!’

‘I am the gate’ a man once said

Its meaning people consider

‘The entry to a new way’ some articulate.

Gates mark public/private

Keep closed they often say

What then of the human gate man?

... Shall we open or should we ignore?

 

Friends Reunited and Ubuntu Philosophy

Last night I had a wonderful time catching up with old friends (Friends 'of old' not 'old' friends - in case they are reading this!) We worked out we didn't think we'd seen one another for 17years but had shared so much together not least getting married on the same day (but not obviously to each other). With them I'd shared a particularly important part of my life with them, my late childhood and some teenage years. One was a real grounded presence for me, a good friend who stuck by me, I can remember having some deeps chats about life and well just about anything... It was staying with her and the family on a Christian holiday that I had probably my most profound conversion experience when I made a commitment to my Christian faith. The experience back when I was about 12 was one of many life changing moments a moment she shared with me... Knowing I was seeing these friends obviously took me back to that experience as earlier in the day when I was walking the prayer labyrinth (picture on one of my previous entries) I found two of the songs that were sung that day twirling around in my head ('I am a new creation' and 'Father God I wonder') I found myself singing them internally (another person was trying to be prayerful in the area and I wasn't sure she'd appreciate my singing!) I reconnected with the experience in some new way...

Over the evening we shared I became more aware of the experiences that have formed me and the place of other people in them. As we sat chatting we asked about mutual friends and who was in touch with who, we shared some sad news as well as a few laughs. Looking at old pictures brought back yet more memories and faces I'd forgotten too! (It incidentally reminded me how much a hormonal bag I was back then and how you could date the picture by who was in a relationship with who...) 

Social media means that relationships with people become different, many will know I love facebook and use it a lot (probably too much) for me it helps me feel connected with people but its often in a fairly superficial way - sometimes for people social media 'relationship' is at the expense of 'real relationship'. I give thanks that facebook made this particular reconnection possible and through meeting old friends I've become a bit more reconnected with memories and experiences that have made me who I am today.

The experience has made me think about the African Ubuntu philosophy which reminds us of our interconnectivity and the place of others in our lives:

Desmond Tutu explained Ubuntu in 2008:^[4]

One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.

As an extrovert (rather than introvert) people's place in my lives is really important, I am energised by others. These last few days have reminded me not just of the energy I get from others but of the profoundly important place of others in shaping me and as a result my humanity ...I am so thankful for those who are family and friends today (and those of old with whom paths have separated) for each has helped me to be me.

Busy agenda's - awe, wonder and worship...

'He and Queenie had driven this way countless times, and yet he had no memory of the scenery. He must of been so caught up in the day's agenda... that the land beyond the car had been no more than a wash of one green, and a backdrop of one hill.' 

(From the unlikely pilgrimage of Harold Fry again - video intro: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHZdU6g3eCQ

How very true... One of the gifts for me of sabbatical is space to take notice, notice of myself, of the word around and as my blog title suggests the Creator. I'm finding I'm draw to a simple yet pure sense of awe, wonder and worship when I have time to see the world more clearly....

Here are a few more images of when I've had time to stop and look more closely...

Pictures of Sheldon from this morning...

http://www.sheldon.uk.com/

A few Pictures from half term break at Cannock Chase (slightly delayed in uploading!)

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry - Who am I?

‘It was Maureen who had always written Harold’s name (‘Dad’) in the letters and cards. It was even Maureen who had found the nursing home for his father. And it begged the question – as he pushed the button on the pelican crossing –that if she was in effect, Harold, ‘Then who am I?’

He strode past the post office without even stopping’

So ended the brilliant first chapter of the novel: ‘The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry’ (leant to me by a very good friend) and an excellent read for whilst I’m on retreat!

Who am I? Is in a sense one of the things I hope to explore in sabbatical – now that may sounds a bit odd or crass but there is a sense in which ministry is such, that so often one moulds themselves to others needs or expectations, for me I know that is the case and over the past years I feel I’ve lost touch with parts of who I am.

When I’ve been asked about my sabbatical and what I’m doing I’ve often said something on the following lines – It’s about reconnecting with ‘God and myself’. It’s sad thinking that the role/s I’ve been in for the past 10+ years have meant that part of who I am has been squashed (I need to take responsibility for parts of that) but it also makes me wonder what expectations we place on others and how much we allow people to be themselves.

In my youth work days I would talk about enabling people to grow into the people they are meant to be, part of my ministry has continued to be that, especially at the Uni a real formative time/experience for many. But what about me? What about us? Do we continue to be shaped and moulded into the people we are created to be?

Who am I?

‘Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
    We are the clay, you are the potter;
    we are all the work of your hand.’  Isaiah 64:8

View things differently sometimes

Jubilee 'Madness'

Right confession time... I’ve never been a big fan of the Monarchy, the members of the royal family themselves I don’t have any particular issue with, I generally have a lot of respect for them and certainly wouldn’t want to swap places! What I have issue with is living in a so called democratic country that has an unelected head who ‘technically’ has power over and above the elected parliament (although I realise the Queen chooses not to use that power). That is my main beef but there are other things too... I’m not even going to go into the link with Church (of England) and State or the arrogance of headship over countries and territories across the world as part of the so called ‘commonwealth’! Confession over – please forgive me!

Having said the above the unfolding Diamond Jubilee celebrations this weekend have led me to reflect a little and perhaps re-think a little. My respect for the Queen has certainly increased and her ability to unite people in these lands is certainly a cause for celebration. The Jubilee celebrations certainly seems to have given a positive vibe to Britain and brought people together for picnics, parties not to mention TV viewing too. As a Christian I recognise the place of the Queen’s faith and how that has sustained her. No doubt today’s service of thanksgiving will be particularly important and memorable for her, even if for most of the nation the flotilla and concert might be more memorable. 

The concert at Buckingham palace was surprisingly the thing that made me think the most; there were some real musical highlights but it was Madness’ performance as well as the Gary Barlow/Andrew Lloyd Webber ‘Sing’ performance that got me thinking.... Madness signing ‘Our House’ on the roof of Buckingham palace certainly was laced with irony and, for me, a prophetic edge (it reminded me of old testament prophets who would have a prophetic action like laying on their side for days on end or wearing an animals yoke). To see these tiny dots on the top of the grand building then seeing the projection of different ‘British houses’ onto the front of the palace was really powerful. This home of the Queen became a huge block of flats, no doubt housing for hundreds if not thousands of people. Or the terraced road of perhaps an ex-mining time where job prospects are still so fragile if not none existent. The music and video just made me stop and think.  The epic production of ‘Sing’ was another important moment for me, having watched the documentary of Gary Barlow travelling the commonwealth (well parts of it) it wasn’t really a surprise to see those he’d met on his travels. But what must it have been like for the ‘Slum’ drummers – flown from their home in the slums to ‘entertain the Queen and the British’ – can that really be right? Can we celebrate with them when even their basic needs of adequate housing are not met? A question Sarah and I keep asking is ‘who is paying for all this?’It is right to celebrate, its right to give thanks but where is the place for remembering others?

‘It’s hard to celebrate when my brother or sister is suffering.’

I’m not going too far with this further reflection but it seems to me there are links with the Queen and people’s perceptions of God – certainly this ‘distant figure we only really know a little about but occasional catch glimpses of’ is a statement some people might use for either the Queen or God. My reflection of ‘Our House’ on the palace made me think how the Queen could change the fact much of the palace isn’t lived in and could help those like the slum drummers but she chooses not to – for many this is like God who is ‘non interventionist’. As this is very much a personal reflection I don’t mind reflecting that at times I struggle with the idea of an interventionist God (let me qualify that!) I don’t believe God gets involved in changing little things in our world (regularly) although I know personally that God does change things and that prayer does make a difference (although I think God often works within us rather than directly in the wider world). I believe too that God does get very involved in the world through the lives of people and most importantly for me in the life of Jesus who was such a direct intervention of Godself! But with the Queen and God we somehow don’t want them to intervene in the world (or maybe we shouldn’t) because freedom would be infringed. If God intervened in every situation then what would freedom be? I wonder what we want from the Queen or from God? 

(I’m not going to develop my thinking further at this point and know massive holes can be picked into it. What I want to say though is, I don’t actually believe God is like the Queen and our relationship with God can be far more intimate, our knowledge and understanding of God will always be extremely partial.)

So Queen thanks for the celebrations but can we try and remember those who can’t celebrate and can we all try and make a little more difference in our world?

brief update...

Have been having fun with the new Camera unfortunately haven't got decent enough WiFi anywhere to upload them at moment...

Really glad the sun is starting to shine a bit - better than all this rain!

Been great to see the deer on Cannock Chase and a fox twice too, the kids are certainly enjoying half term and its starting to feel a bit more relaxing and like sabbatical proper.

will post more again soon....

expanded album of images from beginning of sabbatical

Sorry not worked out linking images from picasa properly yet!

https://picasaweb.google.com/105914936168632696904/1June2012

I know what writers mean when they say about sitting in front of a blank piece of paper of computer screen sometimes there is lots to say but the words are stuck somewhere or word alone are not really adequate.

So for this blog a few random words and phrases, maybe you could even stretch to call it a poem?...

Internet stress & tax dodging companies

Charity donations flag as fraudulent act.

Go-carting ministers to

flat pack with pictures,

bird song and calls to awaking the morn.

Train booking completed early morning departures

Camera delivered - now to learn how it works.

Image excitement see beyond normal vision

Sun disappearing but light still abounds

Jubilee madness red white and blue - proud to be British?  & Republican too?...

Radio broadcast speaking of scripture Says 'words not to contain God but to lead us to wonder.'

Where is our wonder or do we constrict it?

What would it be like to describe with out words...